Well, I am writing this little update from an airport lounge. Sounds normal and routine, but today it feels like everything is new, like I’m entering such a new season that I have the same excitement/ nerves I sense whenever I’m diving into new waters. This is the first weekend that I have travelled or ministered outside of our own church family since a breast cancer diagnosis that needed aggressive treatment, and I am truly grateful to be here, grateful to be given this opportunity to lead people in the worship of Jesus, and grateful for a family and church family that I know is at home praying and cheering me on.
After 11 long and gruelling months, I am finally starting to feel like my body belongs to me again, like my heart has capacity in it again for the new, and to be honest, spiritually I feel like a different person.
Even though I’m a little bloated due to some of the drugs I now take, and my mind still gets a little fuzzy ( if you ask my children they will say .. ‘don’t blame that one on chemo!’), I feel so ALIVE with promise, that I just cannot wait to see what God has in store.. whether public or private, I am desperate for the NEW, so desperate to continue to fulfil His call on my life.
It feels like I have been in intense training. I think of Psalm 144:1, when David says, ‘Blessed Be the Lord my rock, Who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle.’ I continue learning how to dig into God in ways that I have never needed to before. Learning how to simply BE.. that Jesus entirely loves me if I never did one more thing in His name, and even in my stillness, He is fighting for me. Stunning.
Cancer changes you. I feel I am living and will continue to live with much greater intentionality. I am even honouring my body with more intention as every single day I am eating with intention ( no sugars, loads of greens), I am resting with intention, and feeding my spirit in a deeper and ‘unhurried’ way. John 10:10 says that Jesus came to give us life in all its fullness, and this is where I intend to live by the grace of God.
The family is doing really well. It does take quite a long time for everyone to decompress, get out of fight or flight mode, and take some deep enjoyable breaths. We have taken a couple of mini holidays to find our rhythm and flow, and again, by God’s grace, the family is emerging stronger than ever. I have SO much admiration for my daughters, I‘ve always loved them fiercely, but as every day goes by I respect them more and more. Champion people.
And on a lighter note, as I mostly missed Christmas festivities last year, I have personally named this Christmas the year of double blessing!! not in receiving gifts, to be honest, there is nothing I need. No, I am interested with being with the people I love around great food, inspiring conversation, and loads of laughter. Bring it on!! Pray for my hubby, who encouraged me while undergoing treatment, to dream about some of the changes we would bring to our home. SO, the reno’s are underway as of Monday!! 4 weeks of dust, early morning drilling, and lots of bills!!
But I am in my happy place…
Love to you all, thank you so much for your continued prayers for our family, we could not have done the journey thus far without you!!